Getitoffme!
Jul. 21st, 2006 06:20 pmI think I have a light...tan.
Time for honourable suicide?
Time for honourable suicide?
Lock up your livestock.
Jul. 19th, 2006 01:19 pmExcitement!
After a month of feverish plotting, the date is finally set. In a catastrophic meeting of minds, the dastardly![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
phable and I are invading Cambridge together. The hotel is booked ("It's clean!"), my father is mollified (barely), and the hounds are baying for innocent blood. Peasants of Cambridge, beware.
Good Lord, I need a haircut. Whattowearwhattowearwhattowear?!
Also, becuase the new MSN messenger is useless, it's decided to wipe all my contacts. I can remember some email addresses, but if you're dying to be on my IM list, please remind me and I'll add you.
After a month of feverish plotting, the date is finally set. In a catastrophic meeting of minds, the dastardly
phable and I are invading Cambridge together. The hotel is booked ("It's clean!"), my father is mollified (barely), and the hounds are baying for innocent blood. Peasants of Cambridge, beware.Good Lord, I need a haircut. Whattowearwhattowearwhattowear?!
Also, becuase the new MSN messenger is useless, it's decided to wipe all my contacts. I can remember some email addresses, but if you're dying to be on my IM list, please remind me and I'll add you.
(no subject)
Jul. 18th, 2006 07:55 pmBobby just exhumed the dead bird for the second time.
If I had a sense of humour, I'd bury it with a book of poems and let him dig it up again.
If you understand that, you can have my firstborn child.
If I had a sense of humour, I'd bury it with a book of poems and let him dig it up again.
If you understand that, you can have my firstborn child.
(no subject)
Jul. 17th, 2006 04:15 pmAdmittedly, it's not often that I wake up to a swarm of pestilence outside my window. Bobby decided to play 'wake the dead' with the baby blackbird. He needed a bath before, but now he needs fumigating.
Flies are interesting. It takes a cloud of them filling the garden for me to fully appreciate thier iridescent colouring.
Dad braved all kinds of disease to re-bury it. Next time I find something dead in my garden, I'll consider cremation.
On a cleanlier note, my pirate shoes arrived! This is probably the first time I've ever been able to buy shoes that fit for less than £20, and I'm flailing with glee. I've been torturing myself with a tapemeasure lately, and if it weren't for these spindly Marfans toes I'd probably be two or even three shoe sizes smaller. But I like my toes. I could play the piano with them. Sod the shoe industry.
I have an appointment at Addenbrokes on the 25th. Auntie Jackie, Uncle Mark and I are all being guinea pigs for thier Marfan Syndrome research. Uncle Mark doesn't have Marfans - he's just a manic-depressive drunk. I'm not sure which of his two moods I want him to be in: 'Oh God, we have such an awful life, somebody pass me the bleach' or 'Ee hee! Isn't everything the most hilarious thing you've ever seen?!'. ECGs and all the rest will be a novelty to him, so no doubt he'll be irritatingly hyperactive before taking me aside for one of his little 'I'm so sorry you're diseased' chats.
But I want to go. At least it'll help them diagnose and treat other Special Mice in the future. And I get to spend the afternoon in Cambridge.
Hmm. I feel like champagne ice cream...
Flies are interesting. It takes a cloud of them filling the garden for me to fully appreciate thier iridescent colouring.
Dad braved all kinds of disease to re-bury it. Next time I find something dead in my garden, I'll consider cremation.
On a cleanlier note, my pirate shoes arrived! This is probably the first time I've ever been able to buy shoes that fit for less than £20, and I'm flailing with glee. I've been torturing myself with a tapemeasure lately, and if it weren't for these spindly Marfans toes I'd probably be two or even three shoe sizes smaller. But I like my toes. I could play the piano with them. Sod the shoe industry.
I have an appointment at Addenbrokes on the 25th. Auntie Jackie, Uncle Mark and I are all being guinea pigs for thier Marfan Syndrome research. Uncle Mark doesn't have Marfans - he's just a manic-depressive drunk. I'm not sure which of his two moods I want him to be in: 'Oh God, we have such an awful life, somebody pass me the bleach' or 'Ee hee! Isn't everything the most hilarious thing you've ever seen?!'. ECGs and all the rest will be a novelty to him, so no doubt he'll be irritatingly hyperactive before taking me aside for one of his little 'I'm so sorry you're diseased' chats.
But I want to go. At least it'll help them diagnose and treat other Special Mice in the future. And I get to spend the afternoon in Cambridge.
Hmm. I feel like champagne ice cream...
(no subject)
Jul. 14th, 2006 03:04 pmI fucking HATE that cat. I want it's ugly, overfed, mewling head on a spike so the birds can feast on its eyeballs.
It's gone out to the back garden and killed a baby blackbird as well.
I could cheerfully contaminate a whole lorryload of Whiskas with strychnine today.
I wish my Great-Uncle was still alive. He'd have solved the problem by just shooting the odious little shit.
It's gone out to the back garden and killed a baby blackbird as well.
I could cheerfully contaminate a whole lorryload of Whiskas with strychnine today.
I wish my Great-Uncle was still alive. He'd have solved the problem by just shooting the odious little shit.
Why can't we have nice vermin, like rats?
Jul. 14th, 2006 01:09 pmThe neighbour's bastard cat killed another of our baby birds in the front garden this morning. A beautiful yellow thing with tiny talons like needles.
Fucking cat. Where's an air rifle when you need one?
Fucking cat. Where's an air rifle when you need one?
It's like looking in a mirror!
Jul. 13th, 2006 06:17 pm...is what I'd say if it looked anything like me.
What a diverting way to spend ten minutes. She's supposed to jump around and attack the screen, but I think that's a little too much for my computer to cope with.
In other news, I BOUGHT PIRATE TRAINERS FOR £10!!! Ones that frigging fit! (Or do in theory...they're yet to arrive, but as they're canvas I can sew a strap over the top to keep them from falling off.)
And I am the proud owner of a very clever minx. :)
What a diverting way to spend ten minutes. She's supposed to jump around and attack the screen, but I think that's a little too much for my computer to cope with.
In other news, I BOUGHT PIRATE TRAINERS FOR £10!!! Ones that frigging fit! (Or do in theory...they're yet to arrive, but as they're canvas I can sew a strap over the top to keep them from falling off.)
And I am the proud owner of a very clever minx. :)
I'm waiting for Lisa to arrive so I can drive her to Ufford Park. It's this posh golfing resort with an intimidating beauty salon, and I've booked an afternoon for me to have my eyelashes dyed dark blue (it's like semi-permanent eyeliner - Joy!) and for Lisa to lie down in a pair of paper knickers while a stranger rubs peculiar-scented oil into her neck. She says it's nice, but I thought I'd pass.
I'm nervous about the drive, though. I've recently got back into driving, but I was never very confident, what with dad sitting there delighting in my mistakes. I'm pretty good, though, I think. And it's easier with Lisa, becuase no driver in thier right mind would approach a car carrying a practising pyromaniac.
Why go to all this effort, you ask? Why drive all the way out to a scary salon with scary women in scary uniforms to have scary things done to you? Isn't it all a bit too...scary for you? Scary in the bad way?
All will be revealed, children. Creatures are a-plotting.
Mua hahaha!
I'm nervous about the drive, though. I've recently got back into driving, but I was never very confident, what with dad sitting there delighting in my mistakes. I'm pretty good, though, I think. And it's easier with Lisa, becuase no driver in thier right mind would approach a car carrying a practising pyromaniac.
Why go to all this effort, you ask? Why drive all the way out to a scary salon with scary women in scary uniforms to have scary things done to you? Isn't it all a bit too...scary for you? Scary in the bad way?
All will be revealed, children. Creatures are a-plotting.
Mua hahaha!
I love Radio 4's political comedy shows:
"I love Franz Ferdinand. Can't get enough of that band. But sometimes I want to have them assassinated, just to see what would happen."
"I love Franz Ferdinand. Can't get enough of that band. But sometimes I want to have them assassinated, just to see what would happen."
(no subject)
Jul. 5th, 2006 04:28 pmHow strange.
The other week I had a sudden powerful urge for a tattoo. I saw a model with little symbols in the crook of each arm and was envious. And today the urge has come back.
I'm way too fickle for a tattoo. It would be stupid to get one, what with my changeable moods and body-hatred. I don't even have a design; just a vague idea and the crook of my left arm. Henna, yes, but I change my mind too many times a day for anything permenant.
...
But there's an urge, damnit!
Perhaps I shouldn't mention this to dad.
Jul. 3rd, 2006 07:29 pmI died in the Dungeon of Vampiredreams
I was killed in a sand-floored catacomb by Phable the goblin, whilst carrying...
the Armour of Cadiliniel, the Shield of Fat Hambo Dave, the Crown of Gorsty, a Figurine of Brothergomez, a Figurine of Bbathory and 0 gold pieces.
Score: 87
Explore the Dungeon of Vampiredreams and try to beat this score,or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...
I have to get out of this country. I've been looking at the cheap last-minute holidays again and if I can just drug someone and drag them with me, I could be gone by next week.
I finally laid my old phone to rest. I was only keeping it for the little vampire graphic, and it was pretty much broken. But now - now I can have a Rossetti graphic! In colour! And take photos of things in museums when the staff aren't looking! Which is surely what these little gadgets were originally designed for. Geekspionage.
Gasp! Victorian soap opera! Why did I not know about this before? Everyone's a drunk, everyone's got the pox, and if they're not swigging gin and discussing 'ores, they're sipping sexually repressed tea, having fits of the vapours and slipping arsenic into the gravy. It's like a beautiful, erotic dream. Spookbot.com have a brilliant episode guide:
To hell with my college education! Let's have children.
I am in love with your independence and free-spirit! I'm so glad that I've impregnated you and you never have to do anything icky like WORK ever again!
Me too! I can't imagine why I wanted to be a doctor when I can carry your baby in my sexually fulfilled womb!
Chances are extra-good that you'll die in child-birth.
Isn't it blissful?
And in other news...um. Boy!
(no subject)
Jun. 30th, 2006 04:23 pmResults! At last! And good ones. Relief.
It would be nice if my dad could summon a little faux-enthusiasm and say something more encouraging than 'oh... right'. I'm not asking for a parade, but a small 'yay' might be nice.
The plague doctors gave me a bottle of translucent-white gunk to drink three times a day while I'm waiting for the hospital to schedule a jolly procedure involving a camera. It won't help, I'm told, but it may stop it getting worse. It smells like nail polish remover and tastes like bile. Somehow, sacrificing a stoat by the crossroads at midnight sounds both more enjoyable and more effective.
It would be nice if my dad could summon a little faux-enthusiasm and say something more encouraging than 'oh... right'. I'm not asking for a parade, but a small 'yay' might be nice.
The plague doctors gave me a bottle of translucent-white gunk to drink three times a day while I'm waiting for the hospital to schedule a jolly procedure involving a camera. It won't help, I'm told, but it may stop it getting worse. It smells like nail polish remover and tastes like bile. Somehow, sacrificing a stoat by the crossroads at midnight sounds both more enjoyable and more effective.
Prism! Where is that baby?
Jun. 28th, 2006 02:28 pmMy friend George just sent me a text. A baby came out of her! A doctor came along with a hacksaw, did some hacking, and out came a baby!
It's a girl, called Tatum Kiana. (Taters, Mr Frodo?) And I shall corrupt her.
You know what this means, don't you?
Oh, the possibilities. A clean slate just waiting to be turned into a little Wednesday Addams. I can teach it all about dead poets! Glee!
It's a girl, called Tatum Kiana. (Taters, Mr Frodo?) And I shall corrupt her.
You know what this means, don't you?
( Goth babywear! )
Oh, the possibilities. A clean slate just waiting to be turned into a little Wednesday Addams. I can teach it all about dead poets! Glee!
...and the horse you rode in on.
Jun. 27th, 2006 12:27 pmA pox on you, university. Now that you've given everyone else their grades, could you possibly find it in your infinite mercy to give me mine?
I'll try to get an appointment with the doctor this afternoon to discuss my results from the hospital. I've been doing some detective work. Hopefully he won't call me inexplicable and send me home. Again. Woe is Vee.
phable and I have such enlightening phone conversations. It pleases me that I now have someone to talk to about reanimating dead stags.
While I'm in the mood to complain, Ipswich trains are, predictably enough, the lamest of the lame. "I'm sorry, but we don't go to Manchester. Can we interest you in Prittlewell instead?"
Oh, the humanity.
I'll try to get an appointment with the doctor this afternoon to discuss my results from the hospital. I've been doing some detective work. Hopefully he won't call me inexplicable and send me home. Again. Woe is Vee.
phable and I have such enlightening phone conversations. It pleases me that I now have someone to talk to about reanimating dead stags.While I'm in the mood to complain, Ipswich trains are, predictably enough, the lamest of the lame. "I'm sorry, but we don't go to Manchester. Can we interest you in Prittlewell instead?"
Oh, the humanity.
